The Life and Times of a Part Time Dreamer....

Lately, I have been trying to rediscover peace and joy in my life. I know that sounds all deep and spiritual, which it is, but you must understand that I remember these things coming to me fairly easily. I remember being easy in my soul and not being ashamed to find joy in just watching the sunshine, or reading a good story. I find that I struggle with feeling ineffective and lazy. The solution for this seemed obvious; get off my butt and actually accomplish something. Thus the blogging, cleaning, and attempting to keeping a running list of what needs to be done this week. It's coming on a week now of using this to shake the crazies and fill the space. It appears to be working in a half and half kind of way. I can no longer feel guilty for being lazy and I live in a clean home. However, I still wait for the emptiness to fill. Surprisingly being a mom is not the powerful fulfilling calling I imagined it to be. I mean, it is, in the long run. I know that. But the day to day t...

  About a month ago we purchased some new members of our family. Fish. The two dalmatian mollies were named Treasure and Pile-o-skulls, and the Two black mollies were named The Black Captain and Eowyn. These last two pay homage to my ever growing love for The Lord of the Rings , The Black Captain being the name of the King of the ring wraiths, and Eowyn being his ultimate end. Que the foreshadow-y music. We bought the tank, the food, some plants, and even the water treatment stuff to make our water "safe for the fish." Little did I know that I had brought home two little murderers. For a while, everything went normally. Feed the fish, wave at the fish, forget about the fish. Periodically I'd count them to make sure one hadn't died or escaped. Until one day before leaving the house I count three instead of four. I poked around a bit to see if he was hiding or dead somewhere at the top but came up empty. Finally, I found the body dump. Pile-o-Skulls was ...

My baby girl has come to grips with how hard struggling with exhaustion can be. Everything is hard. Sleeping, eating, struggling to rub the itching off your nose, these become impossible tasks that end in tears every time. I, in my infinite mom wisdom, prescribe a nap and some animal crackers to try and slow the slipping into inconsolable sobbing.   Although it may be completely obvious to me that she is just tired and can no longer handle the changes and frustrations of being an ever learning toddler, she is still learning to understand what being exhausted feels like. All she knows is that she doesn't like the way she feels.  It's going to take her several years to learn to self-prescribe a nap, and that it is ok to do so. It took me until I was at least 13. Some adults I know still don't know when to cut themselves and break.  I hope that I can help my daughter understand that it's not the tears that are her enemy. Tears are just a sign of bein...

Upon my word, I do believe I have reached a new record in ignoring my blog and allowing great opportunities to pass by. However, I have found that in promising to do better, I sabotage myself.  Therefore, I promise nothing. I commit to nothing. I am only here because it brings me joy to write. I do love this blog. It contains all the crazy of my 14-year-old self and on, thus it is a part of who I am and who I shall become. If I get nothing out of this place but the feeling of finally shaking this terrible cabin fever, I shall be happy. North Dakota winters are murderous. It is the longest six months of the year and the last three are the worst. I spend my days hoping that the sun will shine and that the temperature rises above 25 degrees Farenhight. Nights are bad because I am too restless to sleep. 3 AM brings that crazy voice in the back of your head that chants, " you should be sleeping, ooooh girl you gonna be so tired tomorrow." That's right, my inner crazy is a ...