Finding Faith

Anyone who knows me can tell that I am a worrier. 

Despite the rather intelligent head I have on my shoulders I constantly have a running commentary of worries chatting away in the back of my mind. 

It causes me a lot of background stress in my life, especially if I can't control what I'm worrying over. 

Lately the issue at hand has been: When I get married, will I be ready to handle all that growing up? Will I be able to be the wife I desperately want to be?

"Probably not." Says the common sense in the back of my head. 

But here's the neat part about today.

I was pondering that worry for probably millionth time this week, while walking to stake conference with my roommate who is also getting up close and personal with the marriage issue.  We had discussed our mutual discouragements earlier and now walked in silence to campus. 

We sat down together and I took a deep breathe trying to dispel the stress knot forming in my chest. We sang and had a prayer and then conference began. 

It was powerful. 

Every speaker had something to say that seemed to be the exact words that I needed to hear. 

I was especially moved by  a sister who spoke about Faith.  

I have been taught about having Faith my entire life but it is so different when you witness the strength it brings to your life when you have it. 

She talked about how it takes Faith to get married and my mind went immediately to what my mother told me the day after Jimmy asked me to marry him. 

My father had spent the evening asking me all kinds of questions about what I had planned in order to take care of my life once I was married and no longer under his wing. It was overwhelming and I found myself close to tears until my mother said, "Getting married takes a lot of Faith. Your father knows that, but he worries so much that he forgets sometimes. It's a leap of Faith, you have to trust God and Jimmy. Between the three of you it will be fine." 

Marriage was supposed to be an act of Faith. Who was I to try a peg it down as something I would have to be absolutely sure I could handle before jumping in. If God knew I could handle it, then why couldn't I trust myself?

I was also brought to the memory of what Jimmy had said when he proposed, "I may not be the man you need right now, but I will be." The memory of those words nearly moved me to tears especially as I remembered the comfort that had washed through my soul after he had said them. He had Faith that it would work. He trusted me to have Faith of my own and try and figure this crazy life out with him.

 He had Faith in me. 

Lastly the words of our prophet President Monson resonated through my mind:

 "The future is as bright as your Faith." 

What a message of hope. That finished it for me. The knot in my chest was gone and I could breathe.

 

The future would be as bright as I decided to make it. If I could just have Faith in God, my future husband, and myself then what was there to worry about. 

I found myself thinking the words: There is no way I'm going to get it right every time and I will never really be grown up enough to be married BUT, I'm not alone in this and I don't have to have all the answers right now. Things are going to be just fine. 

I walked out of conference this afternoon with a peace that I had not felt for several weeks.

I think I've found the antidote for my worry issue. A little bit of Faith goes a long way.