Things I've learned....

I've learned to talk, sing, and write.
To dance, smile, and laugh
I've learned to play the piano, drive, and draw...

Why is it that I've graduated high school, held down a job, and lived on this earth for 18 years and still I feel that I know nothing about life?
Every time I step out my front door, it's the same sky, the same air, the same sun shining and yet the moment I think I know where I'm going, what I'm doing, and how to do it, someone changes the rules.

There have been so many things I've been able to gain knowledge about through all the resources at my finger tips, but there isn't a website or book that is going to lay out the map of the choices I should make.

Life isn't something I can research.

It isn't something I can bring to my teacher and ask for help in understanding.
I don't believe I have ever been truly afraid of anything, I've just never come face to face with something that traumatizing. But this step out into the world to make something of my self is terrifying.

I want to crawl into my parents bed and have them tell me that it was just a nightmare and it will all be better in the morning.

But then I think: My parents aren't the people they are because the hid under the bed there whole life. the people I love and look up to are those who have become the beautiful person they were destined to be.

I want so badly to be the woman that God sees in me, a mother, teacher, wife, and daughter who cares and loves those around her  But I'm so worried that I'll screw my life up. I'll  choose the wrong man to marry, I'll pick the wrong major in college, I' won't be able to hold a job in something other than fast food.

I'm so scared.....so very afraid.

Perhaps I don't spend enough time close to my Heavenly Father, I've learned that
if I put my faith in his direction, and my ability to discern his guidance, I have no reason to fear anything. Because he will guide my every foot step. But being told this truth and having the trust to use it.... are very different mindsets.

I will come to grips with the very fists of my life day after day. It's not in me to lye down and let it walk all over me. But that does not take away the fear of maybe failing. I guess the one thing I must learn before I can truly move forward with life is trusting God to help me build the life which will make me who I'm meant to become.

Here goes the first step......