The Heart ( a past post that never made it on)

"The heart is tender, the heart is a song

the heart is warm, the heart is strong

the heart feels, the heart aches

the heart flys, the heart breaks

then it heals, and continues to beat

and will always, with out defeat

I've discovered something in my journey through the ridiculousness of teenage life. Feelings can effect the body almost more than the mind. Especially when those feelings deal with the heart. There is almost no middle ground when dealing with those kinds of feelings. They are always extremes. You can feel as though you could fly to the moon and never come down again. Or you can feel like the bottom of someones shoe who just took a walk through a cow pie. Whats more those feelings are brand new and incredibly...no... insanely strong. How do you stand against a tidal wave when all you have is a bucket? I mean really.

How do you manage to take those wonderful and incredibly good feeling emotions without wondering how you will live with the crushing disappointment that will inevitably follow when things fall through?

I have never felt this good about someone before but then I have not had much experience but I don't want to let this go. how am I going to be able to handle it when he says " sorry I'm moving on" why do I even bother trusting my heart to someone? I've done that before because I figured that we could still be friends after things fell through but I'm beginning to doubt that we will ever really speak to each other again.


I need to choose. do I just throw it all to the wind and decide that I'm going to have so much fun and like him how ever much I want all summer and then try and quit cold turkey when he goes to school in January? Making no promises and just having fun?

or do I lock down and break it off before it gets to the point that it will kill me to do it?

But I really really really really like him.....

I can't decide..... life is so stinking hard sometimes. "

this post never made it to my blog becuase last year at about this time I was feeling all mixed up inside and when I finished it I wasn't sure I wanted to share it. Now....things have changed. He's leaving next month and I'll admit it was fun and that I still care for him very very much but I almost think he was only meant to be in my life for a season.....

Interesting how we can grow so much in only a year.