life...

Wouldn't you know it, the one time that a writing craze actually grabs me and says PUT THE PENCIL TO THE PAPER is 12:25 at night, right after finishing Thing I Know About Love ( incredible book by the way, loved it). So considering I probly would have been shot or getting up in the middle of the night to post this I decided to wait for a more reasonable hour. So lets take a trip back in time or a moment and see what was going through my mind 10 hours ago...

I've decided I need to start writing again, ex specially about my life, but I also feel like I need to have a point so I guess my point will be... Things I Know About Life.

So lets jump in shall we.

Life is a scramble for me right now. I know, I know, It's summer right, everything is supposed to be cool and relaxed, no school- no problems right? WRONG! that has to be the biggest fattest lie I have ever been exposed to. If anything it's more stressed because you no longer have school as an excuse to why you can't do everything else everyone wants you to do.

I've been packing all week. Stuffing everything I own into a box, only to try and decided where I'm going to put it all in my new room, which I will only have for another year more than likely. It's a cute room and I get to sleep on the guest bed, Queen sized!! OH YEAH! But sadly there are no windows. :( Tragic I know. I've really come to love the windows in this room for my GM's house. The mint green walls, that I cleverly kept covered in posters all year, are not my favorite, but they suit my GM great.

It's stuffy in here, people are still lighting off fireworks. I want to go stand out in the garden beneath the stars and stare up at the moon. I love summer evenings. But... I don't want to do it alone, you know what I mean. Something that random and beautiful, that I enjoy so much, I want to share.

Call it a girly fantasy but I think it would be great to stand under the stars with some tall deep voiced boy with is arms around me telling me I'm beautiful. Is it silly to want that? I mean I'm no where near looking for marriage but still.Girly dreams all over place, pay no mind to any of them

Anyway all my friends seem to be looking for marriage, my cousin is getting married in august and my best friend is getting married in September, and already my other girly friend is married and off to start her life. It's just scary! they're just leaving me! Running away with there new found loves and as for me... I want to run away to college and see what's out there in life to discover. I want to make a difference and do things! experience life! There is still so much I don't know . But I'm afraid I'll have to go it alone since most of my friends are going separate ways.

I feel like I've got all this pressure, to get a job, pay for gas, get a car, pay for my phone, get scholarships, move out, graduate, just move on with my life already sheesh. But I'm terrified!

I've made some awesome friends here and I've learned so much that I can't believe it's only been a year . I don't feel as young as I am. It's not possible and yet I always manage to put my foot in my mouth because I think I know more than I do. life is frustrating sometimes.

I haven't slept very well in the passed few days and I don't know why. usually this would bug me, but right now I don't really care. I'm so tired of crazy life, I just want to run away for a couple days and just nap. but that can't happen because I'll just end up stressing over the stuff I don't have done.

but this is stressful conversation so lets go back to the shallow end of the thinking pool for a moment shall we.

So I woke up this morning and after a squishy bowl of cheerios I decided today was the day I was going to go on a grand adventure! So I did my makeup that I haven't put on for days and brushed my hair out, to find that I didn't look half bad. So I grabbed my flip-flops ( my only non-packed shoes) and my sunglasses, ands took my sis cruising.

we went to the library and got some new brain food material. I was disappointed, usually the library is a beauteous place and just makes my day. But today it just made me tired.

the real fun began when we headed for the mall. we stopped at sonic for half priced slushies. As we pulled into the park and order place I discovered I was ravenous for chili cheese tots! So after debating over the mozzarella sticks and cheesy tots I finally pushed the button to order.

" Hello my name is Chase may I take your order?"

I was immediately glad I decided to park and order because this way I had a chance to see who this cute voiced Chase was, and if he was any kind of good looking.

I ordered our slushies and tots and then sat back to wait. Sis and I chatted about going to the mall or not and whether or not she thought the guy on the motorcycle was cute . There's only so much you can tell when all you can see are his eyes.

I was singing to the radio and Sis was making a comment on how long it was taking to get our food, when out pops blond guy in a sonic hat. The first thing out of his mouth, I kid you not! :

" You sing very well"

Instant blush! so we paid him and giggled, making sure to remove the sun glasses and fluff the hair. And after handing us our change we were in our way. We skipped the mall and on our way to the rental too continue our unpacking spree , I decided I also needed a burrito. :) and luck would have it that there was a dark haired cutie working this one as well. it was all sunshine and smiles from this one. It was most defiantly a lucky day in the guy department.

So what have we learned of life today?

• life doesn't take the summer off


• the mile stones in life ( job, college, marriage) apparently don't have an order or time slot


• friends can be some of the best and hardest parts of life


• some days it pays to do your make up, where as other days, there's not a hope in heaven

well it's late and I have a choir meeting at 8:30 in the morning. Nothing like hashing music over breakfast. Strange, I was sure this would put me to sleep but I'm more awake than when I started. Maybe I'll just pull an all-nighter? Probly not, I'm already kind of grouchy, best to nip that in the bud. I wonder what keeps the small dogs I can hear barking, awake. Oh well, I'll probly read till I fall asleep and the book falls on my face. The bare walls of this room are starting to get to me. I hope we get out of this house soon. Other wise we're going to have to pad these walls because I'm going to go bananas! Night. ( 1:25 am)

OK so that was me last night. Living proof that underneath all the composed dress and attitude I am really just a nut case in a hand basket. I hope that it doesn't sound like I'm a total loony. anyway if you did read all the way through this, congrats! you're at the end! Have a good one!